I cant stop sneezing,but I dont have a cold. I should have a shower and go to bed;my mind is exhausted. I think too much,too often. Right now, my head is such an incoherant cacophony that I cant be bothered going to bed. I need to talk but I’m too tired to speak.

For the couple of weeks that I have been here this summer, sadly and strangely, I have seen,heard, discussed,thought and read about death, much more than I would like to. I’ve always been told that death is a big part of life and I’ve been to a fair amount of funerals in my life, be it young or old, known or not so known…everytime I see death,whether it is sight of seeing the agony of an otherwise eternally jovial friend, at the loss of a parent or whether a tiny ant float off,when I’m too slow to turn off the shower on time…I then contemplate death.

I’m not that emotional and I’m hardly ever visibly emotional in public, I just feel alot. I come home and think of all the people who cried and screamed so unbearably,I try to think of all the things thats going through their minds, I wonder if there is any truth in those mass email fwds, that tell us to resolve arguments and ‘tell your loved ones that you do’, I wonder if their inner conflict was resolved, I wonder if they regret, I call a long lost friend on my contact list and speak with them for an hour on student rebellion and other randomness,I want to slap the fools who ask me if I’d cry when they die and I try to imagine what it would be like on the day I lose a family member, a best friend, a loved one, a friend..I try to imagine what it would be like for them to not be there,to laugh with,to gossip with, to talk wit, to just share life with.I wonder if life does go on…

And whether the pain I see around me does go away…….