The End
I cant stop sneezing,but I dont have a cold. I should have a shower and go to bed;my mind is exhausted. I think too much,too often. Right now, my head is such an incoherant cacophony that I cant be bothered going to bed. I need to talk but I’m too tired to speak.
For the couple of weeks that I have been here this summer, sadly and strangely, I have seen,heard, discussed,thought and read about death, much more than I would like to. I’ve always been told that death is a big part of life and I’ve been to a fair amount of funerals in my life, be it young or old, known or not so known…everytime I see death,whether it is sight of seeing the agony of an otherwise eternally jovial friend, at the loss of a parent or whether a tiny ant float off,when I’m too slow to turn off the shower on time…I then contemplate death.
I’m not that emotional and I’m hardly ever visibly emotional in public, I just feel alot. I come home and think of all the people who cried and screamed so unbearably,I try to think of all the things thats going through their minds, I wonder if there is any truth in those mass email fwds, that tell us to resolve arguments and ‘tell your loved ones that you do’, I wonder if their inner conflict was resolved, I wonder if they regret, I call a long lost friend on my contact list and speak with them for an hour on student rebellion and other randomness,I want to slap the fools who ask me if I’d cry when they die and I try to imagine what it would be like on the day I lose a family member, a best friend, a loved one, a friend..I try to imagine what it would be like for them to not be there,to laugh with,to gossip with, to talk wit, to just share life with.I wonder if life does go on…
And whether the pain I see around me does go away…….
Nice post savi. Frank, to the point, yet meaningful and coherent. I’m sure many people who read it will relate to most of what you said. I’ve always noticed you are hardly caught showing your emotions in public, like yesterday especially. But anyone who knows you as well as I do would be quick to realise that there’s alot you think about. I love the fact that you ‘feel alot’. It’s endearing. Nice to see fresh hot chocolate after a slightly long hiatus!
Comment by Anush — July 13, 2006 @ 5:05 am
It’s nice to see that you feel a lot.. Most people can’t care enough to care for themselves yet we hope they’d care for others
3 things i thought of recently..
1. Live life fearing death all the while, only to die afraid of losing all you have become attached to..
2. Live life enjoying all that is given to you.. all that comes and goes with genuine appreciation.. and die being happy that everything happened..
3. Live life preparing for death all your life.. die realising that you never lived at all..
Comment by The Evil Lankan — July 13, 2006 @ 7:32 am
I can relate to what you’re saying. I still haven’t lost a very close member of my family or a friend or a pet,etc and because of that I often wonder how I will react in the face of such a situation. As of late I have started the “tell your loved ones that you do” thing, not because of the daily forwards but because I don’t want to have any regrets. The current situation of the country is such that when you leave home in the morning you can’t say for sure if you’ll return. And because of this I have started telling my loved ones about how I really feel and call me paranoid, but I have little notes in my cupboard which I have written for those closest to me. Notes I hope they will find if something happens to me unexpectedly.
Okay now I’m rambling, I think I’ll make a blog entry on this some other time.
Comment by sach — July 13, 2006 @ 8:00 am
Losing a loved one is hard, I don’t think the reality of it ever sinks in, its been 17 years for me but its still sort of unreal when I think of it. The only thing about time is you don’t think about it as much as more time goes by, but its always there under the surface. Sorry if thats a bit morbid/pessimistic (don’t think I spelt that right)
Comment by childof25 — July 14, 2006 @ 6:34 pm